A couple of posts back, a blogger left me a comment asking on tips of how I stay so organized and together and dressed cute with a baby. I seriously wanted to lay on the floor and laugh like a hyena for about an hour.
Because the truth is? I have never in my life been so disorganized, messy, frazzled, absent minded, and exhausted as since I became a mother. I don't feel like I have anything together. I spend a lot of days wondering if other mothers of small children feel like me or if they are as together and neat and organized as they seem?
I have always been a neat freak and I still try to keep my house clean but the truth is - with a toddler who is constantly climbing on furniture or running from room to room - I can't do anything during the day but watch her. So the only time I can clean is nap time or after she goes to bed. And partly because I'm pregnant and partly because taking care of an active almost two year is exhausting - I have to be honest and say even though I make really ambitious lists every day of things I want to accomplish - I find myself most days during her sleep hours laying on the couch eating oreos and watching DVR'd episodes of "90210" instead of cleaning or folding laundry. I often wonder how three people can make SO much laundry and why does it always seem to be so piled up. I can't imagine how you families of 6 or 8 do it?
Years ago I pictured my life as a stay at home mom and I imagined having the cleanest house ever because clearly all I would do is clean every day and we would have home cooked four course meals every night and I would be so relaxed. I never knew it would be so hard. I never knew I was lucky to get anything cooked at night because it's hard to do anything with too much effort when you have to keep dragging your child out of dumpster diving in your trash or putting her toys in the dog's water bowl or climbing on the couch. I never dreamed I would spend a lot of days in sweats with no make-up just wondering when I might take a shower. I never dreamed I would lose just about everything I own and not know if I was coming or going most days because I was so tired. Is it just me or does anyone else feel this way? (And this post is not about being a SAHM - but just a mom in general - I can only imagine adding working full time into the mix. They might have to commit me. My hat is off to you working moms! You deserve a special medal!)
I do try to get dressed and put on make-up and fix my hair as many days as I can because it makes me feel better. If I go too many days looking like a slob - I start to feel like a slug. And I dress Harper up most days because I can't help myself. Dressing her up still hasn't gotten old! :-)
I just wonder if all of you out there always have clean houses and laundry folded? Do you always have things organized or do you sit in the pediatricians office and say things like "I'm not sure what night it was she had fever or when she got tubes in because I haven't had a full night of sleep in two years and I'm too tired to think?" Do you get sweaty and frazzled just trying to grocery shop with a toddler? Or sitting in a waiting room? I'm a nervous wreck trying to keep her quiet and well behaved and always wondering what people are thinking of my skills as a mother.
I do a terrible job of making my husband feel special, keeping up with all my friends on a regular basis, remembering family birthdays, and you probably know I'm especially bad at keeping up with answering emails. Most nights I will open up my inbox and sigh and I want to write back and I'm just too exhausted to think. I always imagined me having amazing long quiet times with God in all my free time as a stay at home mom and that is one thing I have let slide that I regret and try to work on daily.
I'm not saying any of this to complain because I love my life. But I SURE don't have it together and I never want to make anyone think I do. We were watching a video from Deeper Still recently and Priscilla Shirer was sharing some things about being the mother of small children and I just sat and wept because I felt so much better to know if this Godly woman was saying sometimes she just counted down the hours until bedtime - maybe I was a normal mom. Maybe if other mothers feel stressed and disorganized and don't have perfect children and aren't perfect themselves - maybe we are all in this club together. I may not be Mrs. Cleaver - but I bet she wasn't always perfect either under those pearls and aprons. I bet she had meltdowns and lost her car keys (and would have lost her cell phone if she had one) and lost her temper with the Beaver at times too. I bet she sometimes even yelled at Ward when he got home because if he didn't help with Wally and the Beav for just a few minutes she was going to lose her mind. :-)
